Three Years of Living Dangerously

At or around it’s 21rst year the Great Texas Grey Crested Biddie starts to develop it’s distinctive grey crest. For some evolutionary reason only Charles Darwin could explain, this odd bird begins to perform a strange and unpleasant ritual.

Every two weeks, the bird searches the forest floor until it finds the decayed droppings of the exotic L’Oreal Brun Numero Cinq. It then spits into the scat and dances until a brown goo is formed, which it proceeds to spread upon it’s grey crest. This camouflage attempt is explained by behavioral scientists as a pathetic attempt to look “younger” a desirable attribute in the society of the Biddie.

The gob of goo stinks, stains, and applied so close to the brain, might even cause delusions, hallucinations, chocolate cravings or worse. Yet the bird continues this behavior until it’s 57th year, when suddenly, it catches it’s reflection in a pond, squawks loudly and appears to croak “enough already!”

The next three years prove a dangerous time for the Biddie. Other members of Biddie society look askance at the fading crest. Some may appear concerned, others may peck anxiously, while strangers will give the fading Biddie a wide berth, assuming it’s crazy or a threat. The fact that during this period the Biddie tends to adorn it’s head with leaves, acorns, tree branches, discarded paper cups and whatever else it finds on the forest floor doesn’t help the situation one bit.

Fortunately for the Biddie, as it nears it’s 60th year the plumage moults, leaving the bird with a fine new silver-grey crest!  The Biddie is now considered a wise elder of the flock and the danger period is over. As with the silverback gorilla, the grey crest indicates maturity and garners respect.

Although the Biddie is a fairly reclusive and solitary bird, when it reaches this point in it’s life cycle it has a radical change in behavior. The bird and it’s family suddenly begins to migrate long distances, returning to their home roost only occasionally to rest and recuperate. They joyously fly over mountaintops, explore the seashore, soar from the deserts to the glaciers, stopping now and then to comingle with other Biddies. Life is good.